The Kennedy Curse

Did you know? Were you aware of it? Besides for inventing monotheism (Zoro-what-ianism?) and the concept of guilt, Jews are responsible for ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING.

Case in point: Ted Kennedy died last night. Guess who's responsible? That's right! It's the Jews!

Here's why:

The Kennedy family is cursed. Have been for a long time. By something called the "Kennedy Curse." For years, its members have died in (sometimes) horrible ways, all because they were cursed. Or because they're a large, prominent, political family that has attracted worldwide attention and the mystique that comes with that kind of thing. Who knows!

Anyway, what wikipedia doesn't tell you is the secret history of the Kennedy Curse. You see, because Joe Kennedy was kind of a Nazi or something, a rabbi cursed him and all his progeny! Bwahahahahaha! But don't believe me, here's what mingmen's Mom told him:

Thanks, chabadtalk.com!

This insanity isn't just something that gets posted on random internet message boards. Orthodox Jews SERIOUSLY BELIEVE that they have control over the most powerful American political family of the 20th century. I first heard about the way the Jews cursed the Kennedys in grade school, from my teacher. The crazy runs deep.

Now, you might think that since Ted died of what are essentially natural causes, the curse story has been proven incorrect. WRONG! Crazy's got you beat.

Check out this gem, courtesy of The Yeshiva World:

I know, there's a lot of Hebrew in English there, but the gist of it is: Ted, seeing the members of his family dropping off one by one, went to all the rabbis he could to try to break the spell--I mean, curse. Anyway, it must've worked, because lo-and-behold, he died like a normal person! All because the Jews took pity on him and removed the curse. Keeping the closed loop that is the curse story closed and transmogrifying actual events to fit its logic.

Today's lesson:

Jews are very good at remaining crazy.