Silvery Jews

This is not a real post, but it needed to be shared.

Taken from the homepage of my favorite repository for Jewish craziness, The Yeshiva World:

The Kennedy Curse

Did you know? Were you aware of it? Besides for inventing monotheism (Zoro-what-ianism?) and the concept of guilt, Jews are responsible for ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING.

Case in point: Ted Kennedy died last night. Guess who's responsible? That's right! It's the Jews!

Here's why:

The Kennedy family is cursed. Have been for a long time. By something called the "Kennedy Curse." For years, its members have died in (sometimes) horrible ways, all because they were cursed. Or because they're a large, prominent, political family that has attracted worldwide attention and the mystique that comes with that kind of thing. Who knows!

Anyway, what wikipedia doesn't tell you is the secret history of the Kennedy Curse. You see, because Joe Kennedy was kind of a Nazi or something, a rabbi cursed him and all his progeny! Bwahahahahaha! But don't believe me, here's what mingmen's Mom told him:

Thanks, chabadtalk.com!

This insanity isn't just something that gets posted on random internet message boards. Orthodox Jews SERIOUSLY BELIEVE that they have control over the most powerful American political family of the 20th century. I first heard about the way the Jews cursed the Kennedys in grade school, from my teacher. The crazy runs deep.

Now, you might think that since Ted died of what are essentially natural causes, the curse story has been proven incorrect. WRONG! Crazy's got you beat.

Check out this gem, courtesy of The Yeshiva World:

I know, there's a lot of Hebrew in English there, but the gist of it is: Ted, seeing the members of his family dropping off one by one, went to all the rabbis he could to try to break the spell--I mean, curse. Anyway, it must've worked, because lo-and-behold, he died like a normal person! All because the Jews took pity on him and removed the curse. Keeping the closed loop that is the curse story closed and transmogrifying actual events to fit its logic.

Today's lesson:

Jews are very good at remaining crazy. 

Why Is This Magazine Different From All Others?

Prepare yourself. You're about to enter a different world. It's a frightened world, a world suspicious of any kind of outside influence, a world where logic and coherent thought are left at the door, a world with its own lingo and nonsensical beliefs that reproduces themselves through sheer repetition and indoctrination. You are about to enter:

The Yeshiva World.

For the uninitiated, "Yeshiva" refers to the religious school that Orthodox Jews are expected to attend their entire lives. The Yeshiva is the center of the community, and of the constant studying of medieval texts that these folks believe sustains our very existence, so it's not hard to understand why they would call their source for news "The Yeshiva World."

"The Yeshiva Bubble" might be more appropriate. The ads on the site cater to the tiny audience who reads it, and anyone else might find them confusing, nonsensical, and slightly scary. The news items selected tilt heavily right, but once in a while, something unexpected makes it onto the page.

Like this thing, a story about the latest casualty in the slow, agonizing death of the publishing industry, Reader's Digest. The comments on the article range from the sympathetic to the insane, and they're all completely crazy.

Take "yehuda y d," for instance, who announces that "in this perverted world they are from the last remaining decent magazines. I hope they get out of this mess." yehuda leaves it to us to guess which magazines he considers decent and how in the hell he though that sentence conforms to any sort of grammatical convention. I'm assuming that this emerged from the bizarre psuedo-language called "Yeshivish" that the kids are using these days, a combination of English, Yiddish phrasing, and total bullshit.

The stereotype that Jews poop a lot (is that a stereotype?) is proven true rather quickly as two of the commenters bemoan the loss of "the only decent W.C. material." That's right, the only time these Jews read something that isn't written in Hebrew is when they're taking a crap. Thanks, The Yeshiva World, for talking about your bathroom habits on the internet.

Lest you think that The Yeshiva World is as tame as that, jewish101 is here to give you a crash course in Jewish craziness. Here he is letting everyone know just how pious he is:

For someone who hates what he's saying, he sure does seem excited about it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From here on in, the craziness only gets more distilled.  Here's eelllelellelelleer getting her bra all wound up worrying about the terrible influence stories about people surviving on mountains without food for three days and Michael J. Fox's Parkinson's Disease might have on our children:

And here's brooklynbubby weighing in on Reader's Digest and its "politically incorrect" "approach" to "humor."

There you have it.

JEWS = CRAZY.